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Subject:gay marriage
Time:05:01 pm

 In 2002, me and my wife took the decission to get marrried. Before that, we had some discussion about the subject marriage. In the group of our lesbian friends marriage was not an issue. Why should you coppie the heterosexual society??? It was not hip to marry: it is SO TRADITIONAL. We dont need to confirm our relation in public. And so on.....

But we asked ourselfs another question: why should we not get married? Isn’t it nice to share this celebration with your family and friends? And we are proud on our relationship and won’t hide our love in our own house with the door locked and the curtains closed. Maybe it was also a political statement: it is possible in our country and that is a great thing, thank you politicians for the legislation and the acknowledgement of gay relationship!
But – i must admit – it was also a very good reason to organise a great party with everyone we love.

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carrieinpink
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Time:2009-03-13 12:57 pm (UTC)
I believe there is a big difference between following a tradition because it is expected and choosing to personalize a tradition. My experiences is that traditions that fall into the latter category can be of great value.

What I'm curious about is whether or not you feel that the marriage has affected your relationship. Did it change anything? Or was it simply a nice way of celebrating your love for each other and sharing that with family and friends?
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ellen_any
Subject:gay marriage
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Time:2009-03-19 03:32 pm (UTC)
About the first comment, the following. When i discovered that was a lesbian, it was about 1980, i am born in 1955. In that time everybody of my friends was left (political), feminist (more or less radical) and against the traditional society. Marriage was a stupid invention of the ruling institutions: the society, the church and your own parents. Wether you were hetero- or homosexual, you were convinced that you should never do such a stupid thing. But times are changing. It is a open door, but i get older and wiser, who is laughing now......!?!? I became aware of the value of tradition, for the beauty of carry on the values of our background. You can certainly say that about 200 years ago marriage was just a economical pact, but that is another discussion. But in my circle of (women) friends, there is stil sometimes the spirit of the time that we were angry and young. That is for me ok - never forget the ideals - but i want respect for our choice. Happily they do, they were during our weddingceremony (and stil now) very touched and very glad for us.

My first reaction of your second question was: our relation haven't changed at all. But i had a little discussion with my wife and we figured out that there has changed something. Marriage is not something we did for fun or because it was possible. The main reason was a romantic one. It was the choice for eachother for the rest of our live. In a certain way it feels that the fundament of our relation has became stronger. We have said in public to each other that we take the responsibility for our relation. That has became a point of departure for everything in our relation and that feels super ok.
And it is also very handy that a lot of juridical issues are fixed.
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